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Two life actually hurts, as do lots of other things in the cube, friend and foe alike

The simple truth is that no one can, including me and most dealers

However, if someone else ever steals the monarch from you, you get a 1/1 with deathtouch and haste to help you steal it back

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I think white might be a slightly better color for this, since you have access to Elesh Norn, Mother of Machines

Not only does it give your creatures evasion, but it also lets them hit twice as hard